songs from my closet

today. was amazingly wonderful. on a whim, i went to a trans friendly med clinic and was actually seen in a half hour. i told them all about my medical history, like having a pulmonary embolism this summer and being on blood thinners. even after all of that, they said that i could still start taking testosterone soon. HELLZ YES. i'm really stoked.
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actually i'm hella nervous about it. my parents definitely aren't approving of it. so that's going to be tough. i'm also worried about it being the right choice. i'm worried that i'm glamorizing it. i don't want to make the wrong choice. i don't want to be 25 and realize that i should have stayed as a girl. it's not like i'm in a rush to get T. i'm just so uncomfortable with my body as it is and it's unbearable. or am i just tricking myself into thinking that it's the right thing for me because i'm so attracted to the idea of transitioning. but i'm kinda confused as to why something so would be glamorous to me or anyone. maybe it's because i'm just not comfortable in my gender. which is absolutely true. i am never, to this moment, wearing a dress or skirt or makeup ever again.
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i've never been so consumed in thought with something as i am with this. i guess because being transgendered is such a mountainous thought to me. it goes against everything i've been taught in my life. i've always learned to do the best with what i have. and if that's not good enough, then earn something better. and in that school of thought, my body is fine as it is. i have no physical problems or mental ones. so fuck this, is what my parents are thinking. meaning, fuck becoming a man.
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i'm sick of living for them. or having them decide everything that i do in my life. tomorrow is a new day.
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i can't fucking wait to start T.


D.

hey there, dawgs and kats.
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i'm writing this blog for you, in meticulous detail, so that you can hear about the haps' in my mundane daily life.
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hopefully i'll be able to teach you a thing or two about being queer/trans/learning to be a boy. and maybe you can tell me a thing or two about that too.
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i also hope to share with you some killer tuneage, like good beats and your occasional mashup.
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for today, i think you should start listening to Philip Selway's (the drummer from Radiohead) new solo album. it's hella good, so give it a listen.

D.