songs from my closet

another fucking week ahead.
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i just want to sleep. and sleep and sleep.
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i really hate saying this. i honestly do. it makes me nauseous to think of saying it. but, i think i'd be dead if i didn't have music to listen to. but that's not what i want to talk about.
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what i want to talk about is this: how long can a person bear to stay quiet? how long can i stand to be mute to what i am thinking?
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i want it to be christmas. and i want to be a boy on the outside with my family all around me. the funny thing is that i just this second realized something: i always had a hard time calling myself "gay" or a "lesbian" because i was never one. instead i was always a straight boy. that's so fucking mindblowing to me. it really is. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. i'm a boy. oh my god. i'm not a girl. i'm not a girl. maybe this is why i've always felt so uncomfortable. all the time.
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d.